What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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