my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
