Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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