Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
