Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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