Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We need a shit load of segways right now
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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