I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
