hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
