waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
