Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
