Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
