My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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