Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
