I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
