I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
