I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize