i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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