wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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