The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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