Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
