I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Someone signed my nipple.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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