i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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