Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
