forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
