I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
