Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
