i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
