Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
