FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
