And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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