from now on my penis is your penis
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
