So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
