Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
