my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
