is your mom at the bar?
Im at strip club and am horny
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize