He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
