The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
