I'm jealous of your bromance
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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