Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
