I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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