I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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