I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Small penises have feelings too.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
