U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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