your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
