Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
