i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
