First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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