its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
