Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
