I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize