Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
