it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
