she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
