At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
