I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
