her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
