Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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