there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Your cock deserves a montage
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
