i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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