Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
