Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
