dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize