I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This house was built for laser tag.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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