I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
