Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
