Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
