Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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