my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
