so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
