I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
