dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
