sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
