You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
