Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
