So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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