If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
