Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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